The Sun Still Shines

Nine days ago. Worst phone call ever. The "sudden unexpected death in the family" phone call. The phone call that stops everything in an instant, steals your ability to think, overwhelms you with feelings, renders you temporarily wordless. You feel disbelief, confusion, grief, despair, hopelessness, pity, guilt, rage. You're only able to name them later.

My brother and his wife, preparing and anticipating for months, expecting the arrival of their first child, already named Carter, any day now, suddenly reeling from tragedy instead. Complications during labor. Emergency C-section. Baby didn't make it.

What??? No. What? How? Why?? No!!!

This can't be. This doesn't happen anymore. Babies are just born, they don't die during birth. Oh my God! They've been so patient, they've tried for so long, they deserve a happy healthy baby, they don't deserve to deal with this! Why do I feel guilty that I have kids? F you, universe. I hate you for stealing my brother and sister's happiness!

In the days since, words have slowly returned.

I keep hearing snippets from the song "Without You" echo in my head:

The stars gleam

The poets dream

The eagles fly ... without you

The earth turns

The sun burns

But I die ... without you

...

The mind churns

The heart yearns

The tears dry ... without you

Life goes on

But I'm gone

'Cause I die without you

A little piece of each of us died this month. But the remaining pieces cry and carry on, sometimes plodding, sometimes starting to hope again.

My brother now says every time the sun shines, I'll think of you, my son. So now, for now, maybe forever, me too. The sun is shining outside my window right now. Little Carter, sending beams of light to help us find our way and keep moving forward.

Today. Funeral service for my little nephew. My brother asked people not to wear black to the service. "Lighter, uplifting colors would be prefered, as we want to celebrate the beautiful child that he was, and not focus on his passing."

We couldn't make it to the service, so we sent sunflowers. And I'm wearing my bright blue shirt today to honor Carter.

Carter's life reminds us: life is not fair, but it goes on. And the sun still shines.

Birthdays

Got a really cool present from my honey this year for my birthday (and a great card, too!). Thanks, baby! It's a t-shirt that looks like this:

If it seems familiar, it may be that you read this post of mine from August, 2010:

http://dlrdave.blogspot.com/2010/08/cyclists-creed.html

My writing's been immortalized on a t-shirt! And I get to wear it whenever I want!
I'm a lucky man. Grateful for what I do have this month, not so concerned about what I don't have. Tell me, though... what sounds younger: 45 years or 4.5 decades? My grandparents always told me you're only as old as you feel, and you can stay young at heart your whole life through. I always did think they were pretty right-on.

Hello Leap Day

February 29th. An extra day. But it's a Wednesday this year, so in some ways, it hardly seems like it.

What are you going to do with it?

Just in case you're not sure, Seth Godin has some good ideas.

If none of that sounds appealing to you, you should check out Austin Kleon's new book, Steal Like an Artist. It's chock full of inspiration.

If you're still not inspired, you're gonna have to write your own blog. That's all I've got for today. :-)

 

All is Quiet

Happy New Year!

2011 is over. Welcome, 2012.

2011 was ok. It wasn't the worst year ever.

It was my bloggingest year ever: 35 posts. Not quite once a week. I'm going to aim for at least once a week this coming year... It helps that I had something I wanted to talk about publicly this year: Sgt Fitness.

Sgt Fitness. The first app I've done that I would consider "potentially useful to lots of people" up on the iPhone app store. Only dozens have bought it and downloaded it so far, but there's still more to come. Still hoping for an audience of thousands and more eventually. Turns out the hard part about selling an app is communicating about it, promoting it, marketing it, and actually getting the word out to the people who'd be interested in it. Building it and putting it up there is easy.

Looking forward to doing some updates to those apps in the coming days and weeks.

Make a resolution to get more fit this year. And, oh yeah: buy Sgt Fitness and let him help you keep your resolution.

So: Cheers to your health! And crank the U2 today, on New Year's Day.

Do Not Follow

I was driving down the usual road, on the way home from work yesterday, following two cars in front of me, and they were following a big dump truck in front of them.

On the back of the big pine green dump truck was a big orange sign with black block lettering. I'm sure you've seen it. It said:

    CONSTRUCTION VEHICLE
    DO NOT FOLLOW

What are we supposed to do, pass you? Even with double yellow lines? If you don't want us following you, then GET OFF OUR ROAD!!

I feel like mounting a sign on the front of my car that says:

    PLAIN OLD CAR
    PLEASE DO NOT DRIVE IN FRONT OF ME

or maybe:

    COMMUTER TRANSPORT
    PLEASE PULL OVER IMMEDIATELY
    MY WIFE HAS CHRISTMAS COOKIES WAITING FOR ME AT HOME
    (THANKS, BABY)

I would put it in mirror writing, so the drivers in front of me could read it in their rearviews. I would even say "please." I really would.

Those big orange signs are sort of like the TSA, a completely stupid waste of our money, time and mind share.

If you're on the road, and you're headed to where you're going... please, feel free to follow whatever vehicle happens to be in front of you. Sometimes "the signs" are better off ignored.

Be As You Are

Be as you are.

After all, there's no other way you can be, actually.

Stop all the trying, and straining, and stressing, and faking, and pretending. And, please, for crying out loud, stop the whining and complaining. Just be.

It's ok. Nobody's really expecting you to be different than you are. And if they are, shame on them... Don't accept such silly, nonsensical expectations. Be as you are.

Accept it. Embrace it. Be proud of it. Nobody else is exactly like you. Not even if you have an "identical" twin.

Wear it. Own it. Love it. You.

Be as you are.

Carry on...

September

I love the smell of those first chilly nights of September. Dry, breezy. It feels crisp. Wakes up something inside of me that fell asleep, lazy from the heat of summer.

It's the season for starting new things, adventure, excitement of what's to come.

Good month for a road trip, or a quick jet over an ocean to a volcanic isle.

Time to enjoy a little super-long-weekend mini-vacation...